Not A Every Day Lover




I talk to myself a lot and sometimes I even answer.
I stay in my feelings and understand the importance of understanding myself and my actions.

People are always asking me relationship advice and telling me they love my family.
I take it as a compliment, but wish people wouldn't think I'm blessed based on my pretty pictures on social media.
I know who I am as a woman and I'm not an every day type of lover. Knowing that and explaining that is not easy.
I am not the type of person who wants to be held all the time, or wants to talk all the time, or who even wants to be near other humans all the time. However those times that I do are very overwhelming and powerful urges that I must get fixed immediately.
Being a mother and not being attached is a very strange feeling. I have had to learn that my daughter is the complete opposite of me and thrives off of physical contact and interaction with other people. So she pushes me out of my own comfort level daily and causes me to lean more towards her way of living.

However I have come to one important revelation in my life
I cannot be known as Mrs. Chea, or Amirah's mommy, or Rebekah's sister or even Laura's daughter.   I have to be known as Ashley Sirah and I have to be respected for my own mind and ideas and work. As a woman I feel most beautiful when I am being recognized for my thoughts and ideas. For my contribution to making things better. For my intelligence and depth. I am extremely smart and I wear that badge like some women wear their physical assets.

When I look in the mirror I know my body is amazing and I feel beautiful. I know what type of lover I am. I however need the world to see me as the intellegent force that my mother raised. My knowledge on music, history, relgion and life. Those are the things I want to be remembered by. My daughter will always remember that her mother loved her and raised her with pride and care. My spouse will always remember that I loved him and dedicated my time to making him happy.

The most important thing for me is to use my talents and make my own money and live life. I cannot be good to anyone who loves me if I spend all my time loving them.

Know who you are and know what you want and need. That way you can be fully conscious of your actions and behavior with others.  

As a woman I need to be me.

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